More South African quotes...

Simply because we all need to laugh once a in a while (they say it's as beneficial as a steak - so, vegetarians will like this option better, I'm sure).

NOW, this first one I am not even sure it's a joke... (!!!) - does anyone know if this is true ???
"It is white" (quote from George Bush when asked what the White House was like)

"I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating and in fourteen days I had lost exactly ... two weeks"

"Now that I've given up hope I feel much better"

"Don't marry for money, it's cheaper to borrow it"

"The more you complain, the longer God lets you live"

"When did my wild oats turn to shredded wheat ?"

"I used to live in the real world, but I got evicted"

"It's a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser"

"Politicians are the same the world over, they promise to build a bridge, even where there is no river"

"Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose".

"If it truly were the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant"

"One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe"

"The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you know you have it made"

"If it has feelings, it's not cooked enough"

"Being flawed is so much more interesting than being perfect"

"I often quote myself - it adds spice to my conversation"

"When they discover the centre of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover that they are not it"

"Everyone hits a brick wall every now & then. The trick is not to do it with your head"

"The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night"

"Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said"

"I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking and then thought... what the hell good would that do ?"

"I envy people who drink. At least they know what to blame everything on".

"Some cause happiness everywhere they go, others whenever they go"

"The opposite of talking isn't listening, it's waiting"

"The two most beautiful words in the English language are: 'Cheque Enclosed'"

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life... unless I buy something"

"I'll bet what motivated the British to colonise so much of the world is that they were just looking for a decent meal"

"I think they should put a warning label on strawberries. 'Caution, tastes nothing like a strawberry milkshakes"

"Give a man food and he can eat for a day. Give a man a job and he can only eat for 30mns on break"

"The remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she fed us nothing but left-overs. The original meal has never been found"

"People are more opposed to fur than leather because rich women are easier to harrass than bikers"

"If it looks like a duck, talks like a duck, walk like a duck, it probably needs a little more time in the microwave"

"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand"

"Some people see things that are and ask Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask Why Not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that !!!"

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain"

"I used up all my sick days so I'm calling in dead"

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it"

Voila... I've used up all the best quotes from the book, but the last one sums up my philosophy nicely ! :) Right ? I guess my next update would only be more of the same (same duties, etc) so unless something goes terribly wrong ("lions eating man" type of moment) I won't bore you with many more details. Which reminds me: last year a couple of Chinese tourists did get out of a car to pad one of the BIG guys and... the moment they stepped out they got snacked upon... The story is now one of the most famous here labelled (sickly?) 'The Chinese Take Away Moment'. Hum.